NWA Powerrr Episode 13: Poppa Can You Hear Me?

Previously on NWA Powerrr: Nick Aldis made Royce Isaacs take his spot in a Television Championship tournament match against Tim Storm, because he doesn’t want to get these mama-approved hands. Also, Marti Belle cracked me up with some fascinatingly bad pro wrestling.

If you’d like to keep up with these columns, you can do so on the NWA Powerrr tag page. Remember, NWA Powerrr and all its extra Rs is free to watch on YouTube, so check out episode thirteen if you haven’t already:

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Storm Fronting

Tim Storm continues to be the best pure babyface in pro wrestling this week, putting over the Television Championship as something even guys like NWA World Heavyweight Champion Nick Aldis should want to have — important after Aldis condescendingly buried it last week — because it represents the “workhorse,” and gives you a weekly opportunity to prove yourself to the fans. By dropping out of the tourney, Aldis deprived the fans of the best possible match, and that’s Storm’s biggest problem. I want to hug Tim Storm and his wonderful Goron body a little more every week.

Kamille shows up and gets uncomfortably close to him, knowing he’s too good of a dude to do anything to her, and probably too good of a dude to even say anything to her. He won’t really drag Aldis either, telling fans who scream “coward!” to that they said it, he’s not going to say it. When I say “uncomfortably close” I mean Vince McMahon and Brock Lesnar uncomfortably close, where against your better judgment you start wondering if they’re gonna kiss. Kamille’s confidence is deeply threatening because (1) she’s big and strong and could kick most peoples’ asses, (2) she’s aligned with the top heel faction in the company led by the manipulative champion who micromanages everything, (3) basic “don’t hit a woman” etiquette, and (4) her silence. The silence has you always a little ready to react to her, even if she’s not doing anything. It’s like waiting for a coiled snake to strike. I love it.

Storm finally confronts her about how she represents a guy who dropped out of last week’s TV title match and whether or not she agrees that makes him a coward, so she slaps him in the face. I imagine getting slapped by Kamille is like getting hit in the face with a 2×4, but Mama Storm’s adult son has a neck like a tree stump, so he’s fine. Brother goes from conversational incredulity to I’ll grind your bones to make my bread in an instant, though.

Later in the episode, a supremely-confident-considering-he-bailed-on-last-week’s-match-and-is-a-coward Nick Aldis shows up to clarify that Kamille really doesn’t “represent” him anymore, as she’s a fully fledged member of Strictly Business. She does what she wants! That’s the name of their faction, by the way, in case I haven’t mentioned it yet. “Strictly Business.” I want Fandango to go to the NWA and start a sexy dancing faction called “Risky Ballroom.”

Aldis’ big plan for the evening is to ignore relics of the past like Tim Storm and Ricky Morton and focus on the future; namely, having a six minute, five second match with Ricky Starks to prove that he’s willing to wrestle one of those Television Championship tournament matches whether he’s still in the tournament or not, and that Nick Aldis is for the children.

He also proves that he’s not for the children by saying the only place he “can’t get the job done in six minutes” is in the bedroom, because he goes all night long. Joe Galli’s subtle responses and body language are brilliant here, as he’s clearly embarrassed to have to be a part of this man’s personal dick measuring contest, and is straight up exasperated when he thinks Aldis has moved on to another topic, but he hasn’t. Brilliant work, like always.

The match happens and, surprise! Aldis can’t get it done in six minutes here, either. He’s got the King’s Lynn Cloverleaf on Starks as the time’s expiring so yeah, he might have had it won, but Starks was crawling to the ropes as the bell sounded. I like when the matches put effort into their inconclusive finishes like that so you can actually argue who would or wouldn’t have won. It’s not just disqualification beatdowns on loop every week.

Nick Aldis’ Ghost of Christmas Past, Ricky Morton, shows up on the apron and says the champ should give Ricky Starks five more minutes so they can prove who really would’ve won. Aldis declines. Morton says how about five more minutes with HIM instead? Aldis declines. Aldis is once again a massive coward, but one with understandable professional motivations. To him, he had the match won, and proved he could “win” whether he got the decision or not. Starks isn’t up to his level yet, and Morton hasn’t been at his level in years, if he ever was.

In other Strictly Business news, the Wild Cards are supposed to be part of a triple threat tag team match against the teams of Eli Drake and Cowboy James Storm, and Colt Cabana and Ken Anderson, but they get mysteriously pulled at the last moment without any explanation. That becomes important later.

(All you really need to know about the tag team match is that Colt Cabana’s apparently the only guy in the world who can’t see that the very heel forever Mr. Anderson is a bad guy. Eli Drake told him as much last week, but Colt was like, “nah, he’s a good guy!” This week, Anderson costs them the match by roughing up the referee for not counting to three fast enough. Colt should’ve listened to Drake’s drunken wisdom, and now he’s farther down the line for a Tag Team Championship match and stuck counseling this angry 43-year old tag team partner who’s never been nice to anybody. Why not ask The Big Show to be your partner, Colt? Come on.)

(The best part of that images is when you zoom in on Eli Drake’s face)

Anyway, we find out afterward that the reason the Wild Cards were pulled from the tag match is because Nick Aldis needs them fresh for a high stakes match he’s set up for NEXT week: it’ll be a six-man tag team match, Team Aldis vs. Team Morton, where if Morton’s team wins, he gets a shot at the NWA Heavyweight Championship. The only stipulation is that Morton can’t be on his team, and has to find two other guys to supplement Robert Gibson. Why not ask him to turn lead into gold while you’re at it? Aldis isn’t going to be on his team, either, because he’s found the perfect “third man” (brother):

Goddamn SCOTTY STEINER. I am SO EXCITED for an unscripted Scott Steiner on NWA Powerrr. I hope he shows up more than Marty Scurll has so far. Also, I really hope Robert Gibson’s tag team partners end up being Rick Steiner and Buff Bagwell, just so Bagwell can heel turn on Rick one more time before they’re retired.

By The Way, The Rock ‘N’ Roll Express Have A Hotline Now

If you call 1-1-800-ROCK-ROLL (what) you can ask Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson advice in a Saved By The Bell Teen Line scenario. No, I don’t know why. Yes, I wish I could actually call it and ask them questions about love and mental health. “Don’t give up on life, Brandon, you can always make the hot tag to Robert.” I DON’T KNOW ROBERT, RICKY.

Thunder Rosa Continues To Thunder Roll

Thunder Rosa got manipulated out of an NWA Women’s World Championship match by Melina, but she’s a good team player and proves herself with a win over ODB. I thought this was one of the better women’s matches Powerrr has put together so far, as it played to ODB’s strengths as a veteran instead of her wilder impulses as a character and put almost all the focus on Rosa. I’m guessing this is building to Rosa realizing she’s got a great, serpentine queen inside of her and shouldn’t be playing second fiddle to Marti Belle and Melina.

The Television Championship Tournament Continues To Be … Hold On, I’ll Think Of An Adjective

OUTLANDISH Zicky Dice, he of impending Television Championship and rock star fame, gets the easy tournament win we thought he’d get over Caleb Konley. No shade on Konley as a performer, but he didn’t get a showcase interview segment where he excitedly pushed the Powerrr lectern around while yelling ~OUTLANDISH~. Zicky Dice has the potential to be the new Larry Sweeney in the best ways I can say that.

Also, I want to mention how much I like the TV title tournament timer. It starts off as a full square around the numbers, but slowly burns its way around like a fuse until it’s gone. Little touches like that go a long way to differentiating Powerrr’s production from other shows.

In a related note, Anastasia picks more names out of the NWA fishbowl and gives us Dawson brother vs. Dawson brother, Civil War-style, and Trevor Murdoch vs. Thom Latimer. Anastasia each week looks a little more like she’s been kidnapped and forced to participate. Blink twice if you need a run-in, Anastasia!

Finally This Week, Please Enjoy This Shot Of Shooter Stevens And ?THE QUESTION MARK? Wearing Sunglasses

Shooter Stevens fully explains his relationship with his sensei in Mongrovian martial arts, The Question Mark.

“This man has taught me not just about martial arts, but has taught me more about life, has taught me more about who I am as an individual, who I am as a person. And I, in my benevolence, have decided to bring him to this country, feed him, as you can see clothe him, and try to, kind of … I don’t want to use the word CIVILIZE him, but, get him accustomed to life on our side of the globe.”

They’re going to hold all of the championships in the NWA not because they need them to be stars, but because “the best deserve the belts.” They have “a bond, forged in combat,” and I want a segment where Aron Stevens improvises while Question Mark sits around not knowing how to wear clothes every week. “Third degree black belt, third degree champion. KARATE MAN.”